Entire County Judicial System Dismissed in Single Blow
Thursday, July 14, 2005
If you thought the current political situation couldn't possibly get any weirder, you thought wrong. In a sweeping gesture of judicial partisanship, the Ohio Supreme Court, under the guise of protecting the courts from themselves, barred not one, not two, but every single judge in the Cuyahoga Court of Common Pleas from hearing a case alledging that our illustrious governor Bob Taft, other Republican lawmakers and the entire Ohio GOP have instituted a "pay-to-profit" system in which millions in campaign contributions were traded for no bid state contracts.
That's right folks, 34 judges were disqualified with one stroke of Ohio Supreme Court Chief Justice Thomas Moyer's pen. In an AP article posted on Cleveland.com, (linked above) Moyer said the DQ's were necessary to "eliminate the perception of bias. . ." by the court system. Why would we think there would be bias, you ask? Is it because every single judge is a Republican?
No, in fact, every last judge on the Cuyahoga Court of Common Pleas is, gasp!, a DEMOCRAT. OH NO! I personally can't imagine the joy I would experience upon waking every day knowing that the legal system is in the hands of 34 such capable, thoughtful and eminently wise legal scholars, but that's just me. Chief Justice Moyer, a paragon of non-partisan legal tradition and personal wisdom only barely matched by Solomon himself, believes that no Democrat can possibly be impartial when it regards charges of fraud and deceit in the Ohio Republican Party.
Fraud! Deceit! Underhanded dealings! Playing fast and loose with Ohio taxpayers money! The Grand Old Party of Ohio would never stoop to such levels, would they? Excuse me a second, I think Tom Noe's calling on my irony line. Of course they're crooked, They're Republicans!
I don't mean to suggest that all Democrats are as pure as the driven snow, but I think part of the standard practice of turning a human being into a Republican involves an ethical amputation. Well that and a frontal lobotomy, but that's another post.
Chief Moyer claims that in addition to being DEMOCRATS, the Common Pleas Court in Cuyahoga county is overseen by Tim Hagan, the County Commissioner and Democratic gubernatorial candidate in 2002. Let me stop and say that I love that word "gubernatorial." It's especially useful in explaining Bob Taft's duration in the state's top spot. Have you ever seen him in his little cowboy hat at the state fair? I have had the pleasure and believe me , "guber" doesn't begin to describe it.
Under these obvious pressures, believes Moyer, no judge could possibly rule in Bob Taft's favor. Um, excuse me Your Honor, I think you meant rule impartially. Actually he never said that, I was just making a point, you right-wing nitpickers. He may have a point, though. If the circumstances were reversed, would a Democratic governor have a snowball's chance in front of a court dominated by right-wing judicial wackos? I doubt it, but then we Democrats play a different set of rules. Actually we're the only ones who play by the rules at all, which unfortunately is why we keep losing.
Before I go off on that rant, let's focus. Moyer says he will appoint a visiting retired judge from outside of Cuyahoga county to hear the case. Oooooh, I can't wait. I'm all tingly. Who'll give odds that it'll be a Democrat?
